When you’re starting a new job, there are a few things that signify to your new coworkers and compatriots that you are new on the scene. First is your general ignorance/overall lack of experience doing anything useful in your new environment, coupled with the fact that no one’s ever seen your ugly mug before. Then, of course, there is your virgin office cubicle. Since you can’t do anything about #1 until you learn essential skills like how to dislodge bags of trapped Dipsy Doodles from the vending machine, or how to flawlessly distribute TPS reports, it’s usually easier to start building up your professional cred by filling your desk/cubicle with things that indicate you’re a hard worker and/or a collector of entertaining, if useless, artifacts. Won’t everyone be impressed by your assembly of Frank Kozik smokin labbits? Or your Peter Dinklage fan photo collection? Or your shark-themed office accessories? Of course they will. Cause labbits and Dinklages and sharks are awesome.
As for me, not a full week into my new job I began putting the Stacey stamp on my space, migrating a pair of prehistoric planters from my apartment to my aluminum wall unit’s top shelf. Actually, to be exact, I installed one plant and one empty planter containing some soil and a used-to-be-plant on my new shelf. If you give this girl two plants, at least one is going to die within a fortnight. Thus, the lonely succulent that did not perish from neglect two weeks after moving into my home can now look forward to a swift death facilitated by corporate America. Welcome to the icebox, little plant. Let’s see how long you can survive in the icy grasp of a midtown office’s supremely efficient air conditioning system.
After moving my reptilian friends into their new space, I went on an expedition for the perfect coffee mug. The clear winner was this long-coveted Mr. Tea travel cup, which simultaneously says, “I heart pop culture” and “I pity the fool who tries to steal this mug when I’m on vacation and tries to pass it off as his/her own.”
That’s MY mug. foo! (Mr. Tea Ceramic Travel Mug by LennyMud)
Anticipating that Mr. Tea’s constant stream of cafe would render me as dehydrated as a succulent left to wither on my windowsill, I thought it might be smart to get myself a fancy drinking glass — maybe even one flaunting my adopted family sigil.
Go Direwolves. (House Stark Glass by geekglassware)
Oh wow. They issue you an old-school mouse at this place. What a perfect opportunity to inject some panda love into the work environment.
And how about a fancy pencil holder to collect all objects issued to employees that have been made obsolete in the computer age?
Now, surrounded by things I love, it’s probably time to make myself useful.