Jen Vaughn is a brilliant cartoonist – creator of Mermaid Hostel, the coolest comic under the sea, mastermind behind, “Menstruation Station,” my very favorite illustrated rag (yes, I went there) about lady issues, and author/illustrator of an impending comic workbook book called “Moving In Together” that will help couples navigate the basic questions of co-habitation. (Recommended: toss one microwave, keep all sex toys). In addition to being a master illustrator and storyteller, Miss Vaughn is also a multicolored-clothing enthusiast. She is a pink-haired pioneer, a rainbow-clad rapscallion.
A typical Vaughnian ensemble.
She also happens to be an Etsy seller, peddling personalized illustrations that allow you, or the people you love, to fulfill dreams of riding winged creatures, or transforming into scaly-tailed merpeople. But what is most important about Jen today, other than that she is one of the people I love most on this planet, is that the lady likes her some unicorns.
Does it surprise me that this buxom babe, oozing magic hotness has a thing for an animal whose defining characteristic is a spear of pure phallic majesty? Or that the woman who at any given time could be wearing a rainbow tank, rainbow mittens, or a rainbow belt, would be attracted to an animal so closely associated with the many colors of the post-rain sky?
Does it make giving gifts to The Lady Jen Vaughn a super-fun adventure of fantastical proportions?
Too much? (Unicorn Onesie by bangbangcrash)
Here’s the thing about gift giving on Etsy. Once you put your finger on a subject/object/thing a friend or loved one likes, you can (ninety-nine percent of the time) find endless permutations/interpretations/incarnations of said subject/object/thing that your giftee never would have thought of. What’s that? Your sister likes Harry Potter? How about getting her a pair of hand-painted Harry Potter-themed sneakers, or a golden snitch necklace, or a set of Owl-Post-themed stationary? You will blow minds. It is actually crazy how many times I have simply bumped into something that would make a perfect gift for someone I know. I am all set on presents for my nuclear family, my three or four best friends, my dog, my shrink, my hairdresser and my friends’ unborn children –- for the next five years.
Jen Vaughn made her love of unicorns and all things rainbow apparent very early on in our relationship. She also, one day, made a particularly awesome reference to “pooping” said rainbows. (We are classy ladies and these are the kinds of things we talk about.) Lo and behold, a few months later, just in time for the holidays, I stumbled upon this:
So child-friendly. (Ornament by Holiday Regrets)
This is what we call Gifting Destiny. Turns out the ornament’s seller is Holiday Regrets, a shop that collects items submitted by Regretsy fans. If you don’t know what Regretsy is, you really need to visit the website (I promise to post a through exploration of Regretsy in the future), but what you need to know about the site for now, it that is posts the most hilarious, and least-likely-to-be-useful of what Etsy has to offer. To date, I have purposely bought at least two things featured on Regretsy, which probably won’t come as a surprise as my EtsyBrook posts reveal more about me. As you will see, I have weird-ass taste.
Meanwhile, as soon as I saw my little pooping unicorn, I knew it had to be mine, to be Jen’s. I think I set the record for fastest browse-to-transaction rate in Etsy history. A couple weeks later, the ornament was placed on Jen’s tree in “Muff Mansion,” the fabulous house of cartoonist ladies where Jen Vaughn used to live, and all was right in the world.
Should I have also gotten her the Unicorn Poop Soap?
Since then, I have been quietly collecting unicorn-related items just in case I feel an extra spurt of Jen love coming on (which happens often), or in case we decide to have a sexy Scorpio co-birthday party (as we most definitely will), and I have the urge to surprise her with something extra snazzy for the occasion. Now, my dear EtsyBrook readers, I share this collection with you. I will admit that I had to hold back one of the big guns in order to not totally blow my future gifting plans for my horn-loving friend, but once she receives said gift, I promise to share it with you. In spite of this omission, I am still revealing many things I would/could have given Jen in the future, but that are now out of contention given my steadfast commitment to surprise in gift giving situations. Now that my stash of secrets is revealed, please know, fair-maned, as-of-yet-undiscovered Unicorns of Etsy – I’M COMING FOR YOU.
So here is, in all it’s sparkling, horny, multicolored glory, The Super Magical Extra Colorful Ultimate Unicorn Gift Guide. Click below to access the Etsy Treasury I created to host these items, which then will let you click through to each individual unicorn-themed gem. And if you like what you see, let me know. As my grandmother would put it, were she to participate in such things, “Would it kill you to “favorite” an Etsy Treasury?